A Leap Without Reason
by Seshat0120
Summary: When Sam leaps into aspiring writer Daniel Barron and there appears to be no reason for the leap he begins to question what good his leaping does. It's up to Al to help Sam see the good he's done and for the two of them together to figure out why Sam has
1. Chapter 1

**A Leap Without Reason**

_by Seshat0120_

_Disclaimer: Quantum Leap and all related characters are owned by Belisarius Productions and Universal. No profit has been made off of the writing or distribution of this piece of fiction._

_Author's Note_ – _Two of my previous stories, _Reality _and _Reality 2_ are referenced in this story. Knowledge of them will be helpful to understand aspects of this story._

As the leap effect faded away and a new leap began, Sam tried to make sense of where he was and what the person whose life he'd leapt into was doing.

The blue white light of the leap and the thunderous sound of it always took just a moment or two to fade to normal sight and sound. Touch, on the other hand, always worked instantly. Right now he was immediately aware that he was lying on something soft and surrounded by something warm.

He breathed a sigh of relief as his sight and hearing caught up to his touch. It seemed that, for a change, he hadn't leaped into any horrific situations. Instead, he was lying snuggled up in a soft, warm bed. He was just about to offer his thanks for a cushy beginning to the leap when he thought the better of it. He could remember other times when he'd leaped into someone who was in bed and it hadn't necessarily meant that he was alone in the bed.

Cautiously he raised up his head looking over his shoulder to see if there was anyone in the bed with him. There wasn't. As a matter of fact, it looked like he was in the middle of the bed and the pillows that supported his head appeared to be the only ones there. That still didn't mean he was alone... He held his breath and listened for sounds of anyone else very carefully. "Hello?" he called out tentatively. The only sound that came back to his ears was the rustling of the breeze through the trees outside but nothing else. Apparently, he was truly alone this time.

Thankfully he rested his head back down on the pillows and snuggled down into the blanket covering his body. It certainly was a nice change of pace to be dropped down into such an easy place for a change. He didn't get the opportunity to just rest and catch up on sleep very often so he wasn't going to look this gift horse in the mouth. A very soft "oooh boooy" escaped his lips before his eyes dropped closed and he was quickly transported off to the land of dreams.

Sam was sleeping blissfully when Al stepped through the Imaging Chamber door the next morning. He wandered over to the bed and looked down at the sleeping man. "Sam? You awake?" he softly asked.

The only answer he got to his question was a slight twitch of Sam's nose before he snuggled down deeper into the pillows.

"Guess you're not awake." Al got a devilish glint in his eye as he leaned over Sam. All he'd have to do was yell out the Kid's name loud enough and he'd have the fun of seeing Sam jumping out of the bed. He had to admit, there were times when he just loved to mess with the Kid's mind. He drew in a breath to let loose with a bellow when he stopped and thought the better of it. The last few leaps, since the Kenny Douglas leap, hadn't been that easy on Sam. He owed it to him to let him get a little rest and relaxation where he could.

Decision made, Al settled down on the chair he insisted be kept in the IC. It was a lot easier than asking for one to be brought in every time he decided to sit and spend time with Sam. Lately it wasn't often that Al saw Sam so relaxed and he just watched him sleeping for a while. The years he'd spent leaping had taken a toll on Sam and it wasn't often Al saw his friend looking so peaceful. In sleep, the lines of worry that sometimes never seemed to leave Sam's face smoothed out giving the younger man a youthful, boyish appearance.

If it had been Al sleeping in the bed there would have been no telling how long he would have kept on sleeping – he was a man who knew when to take advantage of a situation when it was presented. Farm boy that Sam was, though, Al knew it wouldn't be long before he woke. It just wasn't in Sam's nature to sleep late once the sun was up.

It wasn't long before his patience was rewarded. Sam opened first one eye and then both of them. The green eyes squinted looking in the direction of Al as their owner processed just what visual information being sent to his brain. It took Sam few seconds to register that there was someone else in the room with him and, when he did, his reaction was not what Al would have expected. He let out a wordless shout and nearly launched himself off the bed before he finally recognized that the person in the room with him was Al.

"Al?" Sam questioned with one hand pressed to his chest. "What are you doing sitting there watching me? You scared me half to death" he said somewhat breathlessly.

"I was just waiting for you to wake up," Al explained to him.

"Well, is anything wrong? If there is, why didn't you just wake me? What were you waiting for?"

"Nothing's wrong," Al told him. "I was just waiting for you to wake up." There was no way that Al was going to confess to Sam that he'd been watching him sleep just for the opportunity to finally see him at peace. "I figured you wouldn't appreciate me disturbing your sleep by yelling at you or something."

"So nothing's wrong?" Sam asked in clarification

Al shook his head in agreement with what Sam had said.

"Then what the hell are you just sitting there for? Why didn't you come back when I was awake? I'm sure Ziggy told you I was asleep and she could have easily told you when I woke up," was Sam's peeved response. Now that he didn't feel like his heart was going to beat its way out of his chest, Sam was annoyed to have found Al watching him. "I was just sleeping, you know."

Al took the chastisement from Sam all in stride. "I know you were sleeping, that's why I was waiting," he replied before sticking his cigar in his mouth and drawing deeply off it.

"Waiting? What the hell were you waiting for? Don't you have anything better to do besides watch me sleep? Have you tried reading a book or watching a movie or anything that doesn't include staring at me?" Sam's annoyance had kicked up a notch and was quickly approaching anger.

His anger started to worry Al. It wasn't in the younger man's nature to get angry over seemingly nothing. True, it probably was a bit disconcerting to wake up and find someone watching you if you thought you were alone but it seemed as if Sam was reacting a bit stronger than Al would have expected. Al decided to try to jolly his friend out of his bad mood. He innocently smiled at Sam around the cigar in his mouth. "You should have seen yourself," he crowed taking the cigar out of his mouth, "I think you must have levitated at least 2 feet off the bed. I never knew you could move so fast."

"I'm so glad you're amused by this, Al," Sam grumbled as he swung his legs over the side of the bed and started to stand up. He reached for the bathrobe at the foot of the bed and pulled it on before getting completely out from under the blanket. It seemed his current host didn't care to wear anything to bed at night and Sam wasn't feeling very inclined to give Al a show at the moment.

"Can you at least tell me who I am and why I'm here," he said while angrily cinching the belt to the robe. "It's great and all that things didn't start off with a bang this time but it would be nice to know what I have to do so I can do it and just move on."

Sam walked over to the mirror above the dresser in the bedroom and looked at the reflection he saw there. It was a thirty-something man he saw. There was nothing about him that really stood out to Sam. He looked like a normal, average, every-day guy.

As Sam looked at his reflection in the mirror Al seemed to sober up a bit walking over behind him. "Well, Sam, we know who you are. You're Daniel Barron. You're 35 years old and an aspiring writer. Today's March 9, 1990 and you're somewhere up in the White Mountains in New Hampshire."

"Ok, so that's who I am and where I am," Sam said turning to face Al. "Now, why am I here?"

"Well," Al tried to hedge while poking at the glowing handlink, "that's where it gets a bit sticky."

"What do you mean 'a bit sticky'?"

"Ziggy doesn't know why you're here. She can't find anything that would explain it. Apparently Danny came up here to work on his latest novels. Ziggy wasn't able to find any record of what Danny was doing in his time here except for a postcard that he mailed to his sister on March 23 where he tells her he's spent the last two weeks enjoying being by himself and working on his writing. Apparently he didn't see or talk to anyone in those two weeks."

"Ok, so if he doesn't see or talk to anyone then I can't affect anyone else's life so I must be here for Danny then, right?"

When Al didn't answer him, just looked down and kept poking at the handlink Sam crossed over to Al and tried to see what was on the handlink himself. Before he could get a glimpse of what was there, Al angled both his body, and the handlink, so that Sam couldn't see it.

"Come on, Al," he said growing irritated again. "What aren't you telling me?"

"Well, Sam, nothing really."

"Cut out the 'nothing', Al. You're not telling me something. What is it?"

"I'm tellin' ya, Sam, it's just that – it's nothing. Nothing happens in Danny's life – or at least nothing that would need to be changed at least for another two years.

"Well, what happens in the next two years," Sam asked.

"Two years from now – two years from today to be exact – Danny commits suicide. Other than that, there's nothing going on in his life. It's about as boring and mundane as you can get." Al's level of frustration was quickly rising to match Sam's.

"Woah, wait a minute, he commits suicide in two years? What am I supposed to do? Live this guy's life for the next 2 years. Uh uh, Al, I'm not buying that. There's got to be another reason. Besides, if that were the case I'm not going to kill myself so once I leaped into Danny's life then he wouldn't kill himself but once I leaped out he'd be free to do it again."

Al didn't say anything for a moment thinking back to another leap where Sam had leaped into the life of a potential suicide victim. That time the psycho-synergizing between Sam and 16 year old Kenny Douglas combined with Sam's own desperation at what seemed to be his never-ending leaping had almost pushed Sam to the brink of taking his own life. Obviously that leap had been lost in the swiss-cheese of Sam's memory – a fact that Al was grateful for.

"Al?" Sam prompted when he didn't get a response from Al right away.

"Uh yea, I agree, Sam, there's got to be some other reason why you're here. Two years is an awful long time to wait. We just can't figure out what it is."

If Sam noticed that Al hadn't said anything about Sam's own likelihood of committing suicide, he didn't say anything. Frustrated, he walked over to the window and leaned on the sill looking out. The view of the snowcapped mountains was spectacular. It didn't look like there was another soul for miles around. "What do we know about Danny, anyway?" he asked looking over his shoulder at Al.

Al followed over and stood behind Sam. "Not much really. He had a pretty normal life right up until he killed himself – nothing really remarkable about it. Comes from a pretty well off family – which could explain why he's got a cabin with all the comforts of home out in the middle of nowhere – was an average student, didn't really do anything to draw attention to himself Just a regular Joe."

Sam turned to face Al, an inquisitive look on his face. "Why'd he kill himself, anyway? Sounds like he had a pretty good life going. Maybe a little boring but it doesn't sound all that bad."

Al again consulted the handlink before offering Sam an answer. "No idea why he killed himself. I guess he didn't leave a note or anything. According to the police reports Ziggy's accessed, his family couldn't even come up with a reason."

"Great," Sam said as he started to walk out of the bedroom. "I'm stuck out in the middle of nowhere with no one else around and no idea why I'm here. How am I supposed to do whatever it is I'm supposed to do and leap out of here if I don't even know what it is I'm supposed to do? Ziggy's got to be missing something.

"Well," Al said looking around the room they were now in, "maybe you're here to take a vacation or…or…or…I don't know."

Al's seemingly cavalier attitude about the situation had the same effect on Sam as throwing gasoline on a roaring fire. He stopped dead in his track and whirled around getting into Al's personal space.

"A vacation? A vacation? In case you've missed it, Al, I don't take vacations. I don't get to rest and I certainly don't get to relax. I bounce around people's lives, remember. I "put right what once went wrong" then I leap out to the next guy and do it all over again. But I don't take vacations. I don't think I'll ever take a vacation again so don't tell me this is a vacation. Just tell me what I have to do so I can get the hell out of here and move on to the next one."

As Sam had gone off on his tirade Al had at first been slightly amused to get such a rise out of his friend but as Sam continued and the volume of his voice increased and his face got redder and he seemed to have forgotten to breathe in the midst of the tirade, Al's amusement quickly wore away to be replaced, instead, by worry and bit of irritation of his own.

"Sam," he tried to interject into the continuing tirade. When Sam didn't respond but instead kept up his rant Al also raised the volume of his voice. "SAM!" he bellowed out.

Al's bellow caught Sam off guard and he stopped his rant in mid-sentence – his mouth closing with an audible snap.

"Geez, Sam," Al finally said into the silence. "Calm down before you blow a gasket or something. Don't you think I know what you do? Don't you think I know how tired of it all you are? Give me some credit here, Sam. I'd like nothing better than for you to be able to just kick back for awhile but I don't have any more control over that than you do."

Al was starting to feel a gnawing worry about the way Sam was reacting to the lack of information for the leap. It was only reasonable that after all the time that Sam had been leaping that he'd be frustrated by it all. So far nothing that he'd done had brought him any closer to getting home. Since the Kenny Douglas leap there'd been a growing undercurrent of restlessness and discomfort in Sam. He hadn't tried anything as rash and dangerous as he had when he leaped into Kenny Douglas but neither had he taken any joy in any of the leaps since then. Even though Al knew how much Sam wanted to get home and that that was the carrot dangling in front of him that kept him going, Sam had still been able, in the past, to take joy in some of his leaps and satisfaction with what he'd done. Now it seemed like it was just a job for him – a job that he'd grown tired and dissatisfied with but one that he did none-the-less because he had no other options.

"I know, Al," the now subdued Sam said as he slouched down onto the couch. "I'm just frustrated and I guess I was taking it out on you. I just wanna….," he trailed off.

"You just wanna what?" Al asked crouching down in front of Sam to be able to see his face. Al knew what the end of the sentence was, sometimes, though; Sam had to voice it for himself.

"I just wanna go home, Al and the longer I'm stuck here the less likely that is to happen."

"I know, Kid, I know. I'd like nothing better than to get you home but until we can figure that out all we can really do is go along with the flow. Look, I was only partly joking around when I said to take a vacation. Part of it was serious, too. We don't know why you're here but you are here and right now it doesn't look like there's anything to do. It looks like this cabin's pretty much stocked with all the comforts of home so, until we figure out what it is you're here for why don't you just take advantage of it and relax. You could use the downtime, Kid; you're getting a little too strung out. When's the last time you had a chance to just relax and enjoy?"

Sam answered Al's question with a question of his own. "How long have I been leaping?"

"Good point," Al conceded. "Look, why don't you just take advantage of what you have here. I'll get back with Ziggy and see what I can pull out of her and then I'll be back."

Sam looked around the room taking in the amenities Danny had made sure the cabin would have. Under any other circumstances it would be a great place to take a vacation and just get away from it all. Sam sighed and looked back at Al, "I guess I don't have much of a choice, do I? Maybe I do need to just relax for a while."

"No "maybes" about it Sam. You get strung out any tighter and you're going to snap," Al said straightening up. "Look at it this way, since there's no one around you can just be yourself." Al knew it could be quite a strain for Sam to have to pretend to be someone he wasn't day in and day out and convince everyone around him of who he was.

"I guess there is that. You go on back and see if you can get anything else out of Ziggy. I'll…" Sam looked around the room lost as to what he could actually do. "I guess I can take a shower and get dressed …eat some breakfast. Doesn't look like there's much else for me to do right now," he sighed.

"I know it's not what you want to do, Sam," Al said as he keyed in the code to open the door, "but just try to take it easy and relax. I'll be back in a little bit." Al gave Sam one more worried look before walking through the door.


	2. Chapter 2

"Ziggy," he called out as soon as he heard the door close behind him. "I want you to find out what Sam's there to do and do it pronto."

"There's no need getting snitty with me, Admiral" the haughty voice of the computer responded. "I'm working as fast as I possibly can to locate the information you need."

"Yeah, well do it faster, damnit," Al told her while striding down the ramp. "Sam needs some facts not for me to keep telling him you're not done looking yet." Once he'd reached Control Al slammed the handlink down on the central, multi-colored console.

"Admiral, as I said…."

"Can it, Ziggy," he growled. "I don't want your excuses anymore than Sam does. Just find out what we need." Al turned on his heel and strode out of Control.

"Al. Admiral Calavicci," Verbena Beeks called chasing after him. "Wait up."

Al stopped his march out of the room but didn't turn to face her.

"Is something wrong with Sam," she asked him breathlessly when she did catch up with him.

"What could be wrong, 'Bena? He's bouncing through time and living other people's lives to set things right and this time we can't even tell him what that is aside from the fact that the guy he's leaped into offed himself in two years. What ever could be wrong with that?"

"Something's going on, Al and don't stonewall me. The last few leaps you've been tense and I've got to believe it has to do with Sam. Is he ok? Is anything wrong with him?"

Al found Verbena's concern for Sam touching and it made it that much harder to lie to her. The thoughts that had gone through his mind when he'd been talking with Sam went through his head again in a chain that pulled it all together. Something had been wrong with Sam the last several leaps. It was almost like he didn't care why he did what he did anymore. He just did it because it was his job. It all stemmed from the Kenny Douglas leap. Since then Sam just hadn't had the same drive that he used to. Al hadn't told anyone, least of all Verbena, about what Sam had tried to do when he'd leaped into Kenny. It wasn't as if she could suddenly declare him incompetent and bring him home. Hell, if she could Al would have gladly told her. No, Al had reasoned, it had to stay between him and Sam…and Ziggy. Hell, Sam didn't even seem to remember it happening. Now if Al could just forget about it.

Then again, maybe it wasn't Sam who was different. Maybe it was him, Al. Maybe he kept looking for Sam to snap again and try something. Maybe it was that he was afraid that he'd go through the Imaging Chamber door and see that not only had Sam tried something but that he'd succeeded and that, once again, Al would fail the person he was close to. How could you protect someone, though, if you didn't even share the same time with them?

"He's frustrated, 'Bena, and who can blame him," he finally said, in a voice that betrayed his own frustration with the situation. "He wants to come home but he can't. At the very least he'd like to know why he's been dropped into Danny Barron's life and we can't even tell him that. You can't really blame him for feeling the way he does."

"And that's all that's going on?" she asked him skeptically.

"Yes, that's all there is so just drop it," he told her.

"Fine, consider it dropped…for now. Where are you heading to?"

Al realized that he honestly didn't know where he was heading. He'd just needed to get out of Control for a little while and had taken off with no destination in mind. He better come up with one damned fast to satisfy Beeks' curiosity or he'd find himself under her microscope.

"Uh, the cafeteria. I didn't get any breakfast this morning so I thought I'd see if there was anything left. Hopefully by the time I'm done and get back here that bucket of bolts will have some answers."

"I heard that, Admiral," Ziggy's disembodied voice echoed through the corridor obviously insulted by Al's description of her.

"Why don't you stop eavesdropping, Ziggy, and get back to work finding out what Sam's supposed to."

"As I've told you multiple times, Admiral, I'm perfectly capable of multi-tasking and doing more than one thing at a time without any compromise to my speed at data processing."

"Yeah, well, ain't that just great. Now I'm telling you, cut it out with the eavesdropping and just do your job," Al ordered her before turning from Dr. Beeks to continue striding up the corridor.

Ziggy let out a miffed "hmmph" before going quiet.

Verbena glanced up at the ceiling, where it seemed Ziggy's voice emanated from before again watching Al stride up the corridor. If anyone had ever told her she'd have a time-traveling, genius physicist, a womanizing, ex- astronaut, Admiral, and a super-computer with an ego the size of the globe on Atlas' back for patients she never would have believed them. Shaking her head slightly she turned back and went in the other direction up the corridor back to the Waiting Room. Maybe, she hoped, if she spent some time talking to Danny Barron she might be able to get some insight to what Sam had to do.


	3. Chapter 3

Sam waited until the Imaging Chamber door closed behind Al before pushing himself up from the couch. He stood in the middle of the room for a few moments helplessly looking around. With no other person around, and no clear reason why he'd leaped into the life of Danny Barron he felt like he was adrift. Always in the past, even if they didn't know the purpose of his leap right away, there was the need to convince those around him of who he was. This time, there wasn't even that. Sure he'd leaped into the life of Danny Barron but did it really matter with no one else here who he acted like.

Maybe Al was right. Maybe he should look at it as a vacation of sorts. It didn't seem very likely there'd ever be any other kind of vacation. Hell, it didn't seem very likely that he'd get home anymore. It seemed no matter how many wrongs he put right God, Time, Fate or whatever was leaping him around always found another wrong that needed to be righted. "No rest for the weary," he softly muttered. He remembered his mother often uttering the phrase when there was a lot of work to be done.

With nothing else to do he headed off in the direction of the cabin's bathroom. He wasn't sure if 'cabin' was really the best word to use to describe where he was. The cabin was fitted out much better than some of the apartments he'd lived in – and it seemed bigger than some of them as well. Whoever Danny was, he certainly seemed to be doing all right for himself.

Just before stepping into the shower he stopped and looked at his reflection, or rather, Danny's reflection, in the mirror again and saw the face of a stranger. He wondered if he'd even recognize it if his own face ever stared back at him from a reflective surface.

Shaking off that dismal thought, he reached into the shower and started the water running before taking off the bathrobe and stepping under the warm spray of water. Until Al was able to tell him what he was doing here, he'd just have to make the best of the situation.

It was several hours later when Al again reappeared. In that time Sam had finished his shower, gotten dressed, made himself some breakfast and then spent some time exploring the cabin. He'd found nothing more interesting than the computer that housed Danny's writing. Sam had printed out some of what Danny had written and settled on the couch with a cup of tea to read the stories that Danny had decided to weave. It's where Al found him when he came back.

"Hey, Sam, how are things going?" Al asked him walking through the IC door.

Sam startled a bit on the couch. He'd been so engrossed in what he'd been reading he hadn't heard the door or Al's arrival. "Al, you're back. What have you found out?" he asked putting the papers down on the couch next to him.

"Sorry, Sam, there's still nothing."

Seeing Sam's disappointed look at the news that they still had no idea what he was there to do, Al ventured to change the subject. "What have you got there?" he asked pointing to the stack of papers.

"This," Sam said picking up the pile of papers and grimacing, "would be Danny's latest writings. Did this guy ever get anything published, Al?"

Al consulted the handlink before answering. "No, none of his works were ever published. Seems he had a string of rejections, though."

"It's no wonder," Sam said leafing through the stack of papers. "He's got some good ideas here but he just can't write well at all, Al. Someone really needs to introduce him to the concept of punctuation and grammar. Maybe the rules of capitalization."

"Hey, maybe that's why you're here, Sam" Al said brightening.

"Why I'm here? What do you mean, Al?" Sam asked tossing the stack of papers on the coffee table.

"Well, Sam, maybe you're here to fix up what he's written so he gets one of his stories published. Maybe if that happens it'll change the direction of his life and whatever it was that made him go off the deep end won't happen."

Sam seemed to mull over Al's suggestion before walking over to look out the picture window that provided a stunning view of the snow-capped Presidential Range. "I don't know, Al," he said looking back over his shoulder. "I'm not a writer. I can fix all his mechanical problems but I can't do anything about his storytelling technique. I might know that what he's written isn't very good but that doesn't mean I can fix it. Besides, I seriously doubt I was put here just to be this guy's grammar teacher or editor or whatever it he needs. There's got to be something else. Something we're missing."

"It was an idea," Al told him coming over to stand behind Sam at the window. "Wow, that's one beautiful view, isn't it?"

Sam took another look out the window. "Yeah, it is. I could almost stay here forever, Al. It's so quiet and peaceful and you're right, I don't have to be anyone but myself. We both know that's not why I'm here, though." Sam turned away from the window to face Al. "We both know there's a reason why I'm here. That there's something I've got to do or someone I've got to help." As Sam had been talking he'd been gesturing with his hands. Finally he let his hands fall limply to his sides. "What if I miss whatever it is because I don't know what it is?"

"You won't, Sam," Al tried to reassure him.

"How do you know I won't? How do you know I won't miss my chance to leap out of here, my chance to leap home? How do you know I won't be stuck here forever?" Sam questioned walking back over to the couch and slumping down onto it.

"I don't know how I know, Sam, but I do. I just do. Ok?" Al squatted down so that he was on eye level with Sam. "You trust me, don't you?"

Sam nodded to indicate his trust of Al.

"Well then, trust me now. You're not going to miss whatever it is you're here to do. You're going to do it and you're going to leap and one of these days we are going to get you home and until that happens, well, I'm in it with you for the long haul, Sam."

Sam looked at first surprised and then thoughtfully at Al before he spoke. "You said that to me once before, Al. Do you remember?" Sam questioned him.

Al squinted his eyes trying to remember whatever it was Sam had remembered and finally gave up shaking his head.

"You said it to me in the hospital after I'd been hit by that car, remember."

"How can I forget that, Sam? You were in one hospital in DC, your Mom was in another hospital in Hawaii, there's not much about that time I'm likely to forget."

Sam rose from the couch again and walked over to the desk against the far wall. He stopped there and fingered the desk calendar on top of it. "You stayed with me every day I was in the hospital and even after I got out until I could fly back New Mexico." Sam pointed to calendar calling Al's attention to it. "That's probably what you're doing right now."

Al glanced down at the calendar and then up to Sam's face. "I don't follow you, Sam. Right now I'm here with you."

"Yeah, right now you're here with me in this cabin but look at the date, Al."

"March 9, 1990. I don't get it Sam, what's so significant about the …," Al trailed off as he realized the significance of the date. "You got hit by that car back in March 1990."

"Yeah, Al, I did, so the you from 1990 is most likely sitting next to my bed at a hospital in Washington, DC."

"You remember that?"

Sam shrugged, "this time. Who knows if I'll remember it next time I leap. It's not like it does me much good when I remember some of this stuff. So, I know I got hit by a car and you were there for me through it. I'm not sure how that helps me out now. Damnit, this so frustrating."

"I know it is, Sam. We're doing our best to come up with why you're here – it's just taking a while. The only thing I can tell you right now is to try to be patient," Al suggested.

"Patient?" Sam questioned pacing back and forth in front of the couch. "That's all I do is be patient. I've been patient since this whole thing began. I'm out of patience, Al. Why do I even bother with this anyway? No one knows what I'm doing – no one cares. I could stay here for the rest of my life and who'd even know about it or care. Sure, Danny's family would probably think he went over the deep end but he did that anyway and they lost him. What difference would it make if he just disappeared instead? I can't do this anymore, Al. I just can't. I'm tired of it all. I'm tired of living everyone else's life instead of mine. I'm tired of fixing things for everyone else but I can't fix anything for me. Why can't I just use that phone in the kitchen and call myself, the me that was living in 1990, and just tell him not to do it…don't get in the Accelerator…don't leap?" Sam seemed to sputter off losing steam. He stopped his pacing and turned to face Al. "Why can't I click my heels three times and just go home?"

Al reached a hand up to rub across his forehead and took a deep breath before answering Sam. The kid was looking at him so earnestly, so in need of answers that Al just couldn't give him. "I don't know Sam. I wish to God I did but I just don't know why you can't go home. What I do know is that you have done good – so much good. You've helped so many people, Sam and for every person you've helped it's like ripples in a lake. You help one person and their life touches someone else and someone else and someone else. You've touched so many people, Sam, so many people we don't even know about. You've done so much good. Don't give up now. Give us a chance to get you home."

Sam smiled wryly at Al. "Don't you see, Al, it's never going to be enough. No matter what I do, it'll never be enough. This is it," he gestured to the room around him but also more expansively to life, "this is the life I'm going to live now – not my own life but whoever I bounce into. Well, I'm tired of it and I'm done with it." He abruptly turned from Al and strode over to the door of the cabin pulling it open and striding onto the porch and looking up. "I'm done with it this time. Do you hear me? I'm done. You find someone else to make it all right again 'cause I'm just done with it all." He looked back over his shoulder at Al before whispering, "I'm just done with it," and took off at a run down the steps and up the path in front of the cabin.

"Sam!" Al called after him. Sam didn't stop, just kept running up the path until he went around a bend was out of Al's sight. Al again rubbed his hand across his forehead. "Seems we've done this scene before," he mumbled to himself. "Only that time it was through a cornfield not up a mountain path." Louder he said, "Gooshie, keep me center on Sam."

That time in the cornfield Sam had been running from a future he knew he couldn't prevent. This time he was running from a present he didn't want anymore. He hadn't been able to outrun his future and Al was no more confident he'd be able to run from his present either.

When Al winked back in to Sam's existence the sight he saw sent a chill through him. Sam was on his hands and knees in a puddle caused by some early melting of the snow dangerously close to a steep drop off looking down at it.

"Sam," Al yelled out, "what the hell are you doing?"

Al's sudden shout startled Sam and he pushed himself backwards until he flopped on his butt in the puddle. His face had turned chalk white and his mouth hung open in surprise.

"What the hell are you doing, Sam?" Al demanded again.

Sam opened and closed his mouth wordlessly a few times before he was able to say anything. "I didn't see the tree root," he said pointing to an object behind him. "I didn't see it and I tripped and fell and I caught myself just before I went over the edge." Sam again cautiously got to his hands and knees and crawled closer to the edge and looked over it. "I could have broken my neck if I fell down there" he said looking up at Al. "Oh God, you don't believe me," he said seeing a look of accusation on Al's face. He climbed slowly to his feet turning to face Al. "You think I was trying to kill myself?" he asked in disbelief, his voice just above a whisper. "How can you think that about me?"

Al was fighting the temptation to reach out and pull Sam as far from the steep drop as he could but knew, since he was a hologram, if he did his hand would just pass through Sam. "No, Sam, I don't think you're trying to kill yourself. I think you're trying to run away and right now you'll take whatever opening you can find."

"So you think I'd throw myself over the edge of a cliff?" Sam asked him both angry and hurt.

"Not intentionally, no. But subconsciously, maybe a part of you thought it was the only option."

"No Al, there's no way I'd do that. There's no way I'd kill myself. That goes against everything I believe in – everything my parents taught me. That's the coward's way out."

Sam was so sure about what he was saying, so adamant that Al began to feel guilty for thinking that Sam would be tempted to take his own life. What happened when Sam leaped into Kenny Douglas had to have been a pscho-synergizing with Kenny and not Sam's own desire to end his life. Still, no matter how sure Sam was of what he was saying there was still a small, niggling doubt in Al's mind. It was hard to just let that doubt go after watching his best friend hold a gun to his own head.

"I'm sorry, Sam," Al said. "I'm sorry I thought the worst. You're right, I know you and I know you wouldn't voluntarily choose to take your own life. I shouldn't have doubted you."

Al looked closer at Sam and noticed that his jeans and sleeves of his sweater were wet from landing in the puddle and that he'd started to shiver from the cold. Practicality took over. "You better get back to the cabin and get yourself dried off and into warm clothes. You're gonna freeze if you stay out here much longer like that."

Sam looked down at himself seeming to take note of the wetness of his clothes. He nodded his agreement with Al. "Ok, Al, but we're not through with this yet."

Once back at the cabin and in warm, dry clothes Sam again demanded Al explain why he thought he'd want to kill himself.

"I told you, Sam, I should have never jumped to that conclusion. I should have trusted you not to do something like that." Al quietly added the word "again" in his mind once again seeing Sam in Kenny Douglas' bedroom holding a gun to his head.

"How do I know you mean that, Al? How do I know you're just not trying to placate me?" Sam challenged.

Al looked at Sam and shook his head before throwing his hands up in the air. "You don't, Sam, unless you're willing to trust me. To trust that I'm telling you the truth. To trust me enough to accept my apology."

Sam looked thoughtfully at Al before answering. "I do trust you, Al. I'm just not sure if you trust me anymore. Hell," he said turning from Al and walking to the window, "it's not like I've given you much reason to trust me lately. I tell you that I'm done with it all and you find me at the edge of a cliff. If I were in your place I'd probably have thought the same thing, too." Sam turned back around pacing back to the couch. "I just hate having to wait."

"I know, Sam," Al reassured him. "All I can tell you is that we're working double time on this to try to find out why you're here. You just got to be patient until that happens."

"Patient? It seems you're always telling me that. I seem to recall you telling me that a lot when I was in the hospital after that accident."

"Yeah, well, you seemed to be under the impression that you were just gonna get up outta bed like nothing had happened. I still don't understand why you even remembered that now."

"Maybe…maybe I had to remember it this time, Al," Sam slowly.

"What do you mean, Sam?"

"Sometimes it seems like I get pieces of my memory back if I need them for the leap," Sam began to explain "Maybe I needed to remember that accident and being in the hospital so that I could understand that sometimes you just need to be patient and wait for things to happen. I couldn't do anything to rush my recovery then just like nothing that we've been able to do now has given us a reason for this leap. Maybe you've been right all along, Al. Maybe I just need to relax and let it come to me."

Al looked at Sam in confusion as it seemed he went from frustration to a peaceful acceptance of the situation. He couldn't seem to get a full sentence out, "You…but…now..." Al was obviously frustrated. Finally he blurted out, "Sam I think you've leaped into women one too many times."

"What?" Sam asked him with a laugh.

"You've been a woman too many times and I think it's starting to affect the way you think. It's making you change your mind and all. My second…no…fourth…no second, definitely the second wife used to do that all the time. I never knew what she was thinking 'cause as soon as I thought I had it figured out she'd change her mind and think something totally different. Of course I'd still think she was thinking the first thing I thought she was thinking so then I'd be in deep caca because I didn't know what she was thinking. It drove me crazy Sam and now you're doing the same thing." Al sputtered off as Sam began to laugh.

"What's so funny, Sam?" he asked as his confusion grew.

"You, Al." Sam finally gasped out as his laughter died. "I'm finally agreeing with you and it's got you all in a dither… and you just can't stop thinking about women, can you?" Sam asked before starting to laugh again.

"Oh, that's good, Sam. That's real good. I'm worried about you so what do you do? You laugh at me like it's all some kind of joke," Al chastised.

Al's chastisement seemed to sober Sam somewhat. "Maybe I'm just realizing that instead of pushing so hard I've just got to let things happen, Al. I just need to take it all one day at a time and relax."

"Yeah, sure, Sam. Look, I'm gonna go back and see if I can rattle something out of Ziggy. You just take it easy," Al said while keying in the sequence to open the door. If anything, Sam's sudden change in mood had done nothing to alleviate his worry but had only added to it.

"Go on," Sam told him. "I'm gonna be fine – just relax and wait to see what happens. You do trust me, don't you."

"Yeah, Sam, I trust you," Al told and realized that it was the truth. For the first time in a while he did trust that Sam would fine until he got back. Al gave Sam a reassuring smile before going through the IC door.


	4. Chapter 4

Over the next two days Al kept pushing Ziggy for more information that she couldn't seem to find, and kept checking on Sam frequently. It seemed that with Sam's remembrance of the car accident all those years ago and his brush with death at the top of the cliff his whole attitude had changed. No longer was he frustrated or his temper short. He seemed to be genuinely enjoying his time in Danny's life and being able to simply do nothing. Each time Al appeared he asked if they'd found out anything new but he seemed to take it all in stride when Al would tell him no. For the first day Al still worried from time to time that Sam's seeming change in attitude was simply a cover and was the precursor of a coming storm but by the second day he'd begun to relax and realized that, once again, Sam seemed to be taking an honest enjoyment in what he was doing.

It was early afternoon on the third day when Al had Ziggy center him on Sam. He found him in the front entryway putting on his coat and pulling on a pair of gloves. He'd already put on a heavy pair of hiking boots and had pulled a warm knit cap over his head.

"Where you going, Sam?" Al questioned.

"Just going for a walk," Sam answered reaching to open the door. "Wanna come with me?"

"Uh, yeah, sure." Al followed Sam out the door and down the short flight of steps to the path that ran in front of the cabin. Sam seemed to hesitate there for a moment looking to the right and then to the left deciding where it was he wanted to go. "You going anyplace in particular," Al questioned him.

"No," Sam replied looking back over his shoulder at Al before choosing to go down the path to the right and setting off down it. "Just going for a walk." If either man noticed that it was the opposite direction from where Sam had run previously neither said anything.

The two of them walked for a while in silence before Sam finally broke it. "It's beautiful out here, isn't it?"

"Yeah, it is Sam. I'm just glad I can't feel the cold."

A snowstorm had blown through during the night leaving a dusting of snow over everything. Although the sun was out now and the sky was a clear crystal blue it was still cold and when Sam talked, his breath was visible in the cold air.

He took a deep breath of the cold, crisp air before turning to Al, a grin on his face. "There's nothing like clean mountain air." He eyed the cigar that Al was clutching before amending himself, "not that you'd know about that right now." Sam pointed to one of the mountains off in the distance. "Did you know that Mt. Washington can have snow on its peak even in the summer?" he asked.

Al looked over to the mountain Sam had pointed out. "No, I don't think I knew that at all. What, have you been reading about the mountains the past couple of days Sam?"

"I've been doing some reading, Al, but not about the mountains – or at least not now. I remember reading about Mt. Washington when I was a kid. When I was 8 I loved to read about mountains. Dad called it my mountain phase."

"You sound relaxed, Sam," Al observed.

"I am. You know, if we never do figure out what I have to do to leap I guess there could be worse places I could get stuck."

"Alone out here, Sam. No one to keep you company or keep you warm at night? I don't know, I can think of a lot better places to get stuck myself. Of course maybe if you went into the nearest town and you found a nice little ski bunny who just wants to get away from it all. You know, one that has a really nice set of…."

"Aaaallll," Sam interrupted him chastising.

"What? I was just going to say skis," he said putting his cigar in his mouth and smirking around it.

"I know what you were gonna say. Don't you ever think of anything else?"

"Of course I do," Al countered.

The two continued walking up the path continuing their age old argument/conversation about what Al termed the better things in life. They'd gotten about 10 – 15 feet further up the trail when Sam waved Al to silence.

"Shhhh. Did you hear that?" Sam asked.

"Hear what? I didn't hear anything."

"Shhh. There it was again. It sounds like someone calling for help a little further up." Sam took off up the path at a quicker pace with Al following close behind. Al was just about to tell Sam that he still didn't hear anything when the sound came again. This time both men heard it and it was definitely a cry for help.

"Hello?" Sam called out in reply.

"Here, I'm here," the voice called out.

"Where?" Sam asked stopping to listen.

"I fell. I'm off the path," the voice called out.

"Al, can you center in on her and guide me?" Sam anxiously asked.

Al poked at the handlink, slapping it on the side when he didn't like the answer he got. "No, Sam. We don't know who it is so there's no way to get a lock. Have her keep talking to you and follow her voice."

"Ok," Sam agreed. "I need you to keep calling out," he said in a much louder voice, "and I'll follow the sound of your voice."

Sam kept following the sound of the voice further up the path until he came to an area where there was a drop off next to the path. The snow right near the drop-off looked like it had been scuffed up and there were footprints coming from the opposite direction that ended there. Sam carefully approached the edge and looked down. About 10 feet down he spied a woman sitting in the snow.

"Hey, you ok?" he called down to her.

She raised her face to look up at him. "Oh, thank God I didn't think anyone was ever going to come."

"Are you ok?" Sam asked again.

"If I were ok I wouldn't still be down here, would I? Look, can you help me up from here?"

"Oh yeah, sure." Sam looked at the terrain in front of him. Although the incline wasn't steep at all, with the recent snowfall and the cold he was unsure he'd find stable footing all the way to the bottom and that he wouldn't join the woman in a tumble himself.

"Hey, why don't you take your time," her peeved voice called out to him.

"The slope looks pretty slippery. I'm trying to figure out how to get down there without falling myself," Sam explained to her with some exasperation.

"Hey, Sam, wasn't there some rope on the porch back at the cabin," Al asked.

"Uh, yeah, I think there was."

"Look, why don't you go back there and get it. You can tie it around that tree," Al told him indicating a tree near the drop off, "toss it down to her and then use it to pull her up."

"Good idea."

"What's a good idea?" the woman called up.

"Uh, I was just thinking it would be a good idea if I went back to my cabin and got the rope there to get you up," Sam quickly hedged.

"Oh, well, don't hurry on my account," she called back up. "I'm starting to enjoy freezing my butt off in the snow."

"She's a real cheery one, isn't she," Al commented.

"Yeah, well I can't leave her down there." Sam made sure to pitch his voice low so the woman wouldn't hear him. "Look, you stay here with her and make sure she's ok and I'll go back and get the rope."

"Sure thing, Sam. I'll keep Little Miss Sunshine company."

Without another word Sam took off running in the direction they'd come. Al watched him for a moment before keying in the sequence that would center him in on the woman who'd fallen. "Wow," he said when he got his first good look at her. Her disposition may have left much to be desired but her figure more than made up for it in Al's estimation. She looked like she'd walked out of his fantasy about a typical Ski Bunny. Her long-blonde hair curled around her face setting off eyes the same crystal blue as the sky. And he'd been right about that pair of….skis. Of course he knew Boy Scout Sam would never appreciate all the woman had to offer.

"You just hang in there," he told her even though he knew she couldn't hear him. "Sam'll be right back and he'll get you up from here. I'm just gonna go topside and see if he's coming yet – make sure he doesn't get into any trouble of his own. You just stay right there." He again keyed in the sequence that put him back up on the path just as Sam was coming back into sight carrying the rope.

"She looks ok, Sam, although she was rubbing her ankle. She might have twisted it or something. She looks more put out than hurt, though."

Sam looped one end of the rope around the tree and made sure it was tied tightly before playing out the rest of the line. "Hey, I'm gonna throw this down to you," he yelled down to the woman. "You think you can tie it around your waist and I can pull you up with it."

"Yeah," she said looking up to him. "Send it down."

Sam carefully threw the rope over the edge careful to neither hit the woman nor to snag it in any of the brush growing along the incline. Once she'd tied the free end around her waist he started to use it to pull her up the incline. It didn't take long before he'd pulled her the whole way up and she flopped over the top. Sam threw down the rope and rushed over to her pulling her completely away from the edge.

"Are you hurt," he asked her as he helped her to a sitting position.

"I think I broke my ankle when I landed. Other than that, just my pride's hurt."

Sam brushed her hands away from her ankle, untied and loosened her boot just enough to slip his hand in and feel her ankle.

"Yeah, it feels like you might have broken it," he told her with a look of concentration.

"What are you, some kind of doctor?" she asked amused.

"Uh ye...no, no," Sam corrected himself. "I uh…I just know some first aid is all. My name's Sa….Danny. Danny Barron." Sam told her.

"I'm Linda Rogers," she replied. "Look, I hate to be a pain but you said you had a cabin not too far from here. You think you can help me there. I'm really freezing and I'd love to warm up."

Sam threw Al a look asking him if there was any data about Linda Rogers while he answered her. "Oh sure, here, let me help you up."

Sam helped Linda to stand and looped an arm around her waist to help her walk back to the cabin. They didn't take very many steps before Sam realized that it would take them too long to get back this way. Linda was obviously in pain from her ankle and shivering with cold. All together it made it very difficult to walk. He finally scooped her into his arms and carried her the rest of way back to the cabin. Al followed along behind them still accessing the handlink for information on Linda.

Once back in the cabin, Sam gently placed Linda on the couch and helped her to take off her coat before untying her boots and taking them off as well – being extra careful removing the one from her broken ankle. Once he'd gotten her boots off of her, he helped her take off the ski pants she had on until she was clad only in her long, thermal underwear and a heavy sweater. He grabbed the quilt off the back of the couch and wrapped it around her before moving to the fireplace to start a fire.

"I got it," Al exclaimed as Sam knelt on the hearth.

Sam glanced over in Al's direction and beckoned with his eyes that Al should both come closer and fill him in on the information he'd found.

"Linda Rogers," Al started to read off the handlink, "was a free…a free," he gave the handlink a thump on the side and continued, "free-lance photographer and writer. She disappeared in the White Mountains back in early 1990 when she went hiking by herself. No one knew what happened to her until her remains were found sometime in 1995. Authorities ruled that she'd fallen down an incline and succumbed to exposure before anyone found her."

"So she must be the reason I was here, Al," Sam voiced quietly.

"It would seem so, Sam. If you hadn't been out walking that trail when you had she wouldn't have been found."

"Ok, so she's safe here in the cabin, why haven't I leaped yet?" Sam asked as he continued to tend the fire.

"Uh, maybe 'cause she hasn't gotten medical help yet? I don't know, Sam."

"Well, what about Danny, has his history changed at all?"

"No, he still kills himself in '92. Nothing's changed there, Sam."

"So there still has to be something left for me to do here," Sam said rising from the fire he'd started.

"Hey, Danny?" Linda questioned from the couch. "I don't suppose you have anything hot to drink, do you?"

"Oh, yeah, sure," Sam answered her. "I can make you some tea…unless you'd like something else."

"Anything's fine," she told him. "As long as it's hot."

"Ok, sure. There's a phone in the kitchen. I'll…uh…I'll call the ranger station and let them know what happened." Sam started to walk away in the direction of the kitchen but stopped. "Just what did happen?" he asked her turning back. "How'd you end up down there?"

"I decided to go hiking by myself. I know, I know, that's a totally stupid thing to do – especially after snow when the trail could be slippery. Anyway, I got a little too close to the edge, slipped on a patch of ice and found myself at the bottom. I guess I'm lucky I only broke my ankle and not my neck," she smiled ruefully.

"Yeah," Sam agreed with her. "and that I came along and found you before you froze to death."

"I still might" she reminded him, "if I don't get that hot drink soon."

"Oh yeah, sure. I'll be right back," he told her again heading for kitchen. He gestured with his head for Al to join him.

"Ziggy got any ideas," Sam asked as soon as the door closed behind them.

"Nothing, Sam," Al told him reading the handlink and banging the side when he didn't like what he saw. She's still saying the same thing – she's got no idea why you're here except for Danny's suicide in two years.

"Great, just great." Sam put a kettle on the stove to heat and while he was waiting he used the phone to call the ranger station and alert them to Linda's need for medical attention. By the time he was done explaining what had happened and giving them directions to the cabin, with Al's help, the kettle was whistling. Sam took it off the burner and poured it into a mug where he'd already poured a packet of hot chocolate mix. He grabbed the mug of hot chocolate and the first aid kit that was on the counter and went back into the living room.

"Be careful, it's really hot," he told Linda handing her the mug. "I'm gonna see if I can immobilize your ankle until the rangers get here. They said it's gonna take about an hour. We should probably ice it down, too, to keep the swelling down."

As Sam worked on Linda's ankle she sipped at the mug of hot chocolate. Al wordlessly stood back watching.

"Thanks," she said after a while. "I guess I wasn't really very grateful out there on the trail. I was feeling a bit like a fool and took it out on you."

"It's ok," Sam told her as he finished wrapping up her ankle. "How's that feel," he asked as he sat back on heels."

"Honestly," she said, "it hurts like sonofabitch but I'll take it given the alternative. I hope you don't mind," she continued holding up the sheaf of papers Sam had been reading earlier. "I started to read these while you were in the kitchen."

"Oh, uh, yeah." Sam said seeing the papers. "It's some…uh…some stuff I was writing. It's not really done yet."

"You've got some interesting ideas," she told him, "although your execution, well, I hope you don't mind me saying but your execution could really use some work. I mean these are really great ideas but your writing style is a little bit…."

"Awkward?" Sam finished for her.

"Mmm…I guess that's one way of putting it. I do a bit of writing myself. Maybe we could team up on some of your ideas and try it out that way. I mean, if you're ok with that."

Sam looked over to Al questioning with his eyes what he should say to Linda. The only advice Al gave was to shrug at Sam.

"Well, that…uh…that sounds like a great idea. I'd like that a lot," Sam told her a bit uncertainly. Hopefully his acceptance of Linda's offer wasn't going to do any further harm to Danny's life – although considering the direction it was going in, Sam didn't see how it could possibly get much worse.

He'd no sooner gotten the words of agreement out of his mouth then the handlink started to sqeal at Al. Al looked down to it and read what was there before he joined in with the noise.

"You did it, Sam. I don't know how but you did it," he happily crowed at Sam.

Sam glanced over to Al and raised his eyebrows to ask the question of what exactly it was that he'd done.

"Danny teams up with Linda here and they end up writing a couple of best sellers. That's not all, though, Sam. Get this, in two years they get married and Danny doesn't kill himself. They're even living up in this cabin now. Ain't that a kick in the butt. You struck gold, Kid. Get ready to leap."

Sam's face broke into a beaming smile when he heard what Al said.

"What are you smiling about," Linda asked with a light laugh.

"Oh, just thinking about what a great partnership we've got in our future," Sam told her just before the blue light of the leap took him away.

Al breathed a sigh of relief and waited a moment until the image of the cabin faded in the Imaging Chamber before leaving. His step as he strode down the ramp was much lighter than it had been when the leap had first started and the lines of worry had started to disappear from his face. He wasn't completely ready to let go of his worry for Sam or to believe quite yet that Sam seemed to be back to the person he was before the Kenny Douglas leap but he was definitely on the right road. Al had no idea just what it was that seemed to have made the change in Sam, but whatever it was, he was grateful for it.

He put the handlink down gently on the multi-colored console and turned to leave Control calling out over his shoulder that if he was needed he could be found in his quarters.

"Admiral? Al, hold on a second," Verbeena called out after him.

Al stopped walking down the corridor and turned and waited for her until she'd caught up with him.

"What's up, 'Bena?" he asked her as he once more continued his progress down the corridor.

"How's, Sam, Al. You don't seem as worried as you were when the leap started." She asked him.

Al paused in his step for just a second and small smile flitted at the corners of his mouth. "He's ok, he's doing fine," he told her. "He was a lot more relaxed by the end of this leap than he's been in a long time. He's going to be just fine," he brightly told her before taking off up the corridor again.

Verbena watched him go. "So, just who are you trying to convince that Sam's just fine, Admiral…me or you?" Shaking her head she returned to Control.


End file.
